Good Thoughts-kinda like Deep Thoughts!

"When life gives you lemons...do NOT make lemonade. Your kids will just spill it all over the kitchen floor and you will slip on it and fall, rendering yourself unconscious, and leaving them w/out supervision... which is never good."
- I love that saying.... I found it on a really funny, crAzY Blog.

****** & now for some Deep Thoughts by: Jack Handey********
"I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend."

"I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality."

"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people."

"I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not?"
"Here's a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don't taste like it."

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling."

"Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff."

"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see."

"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."

"As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way."

"As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!"

"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."

"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the H are you supposed to carry it?!"

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone."

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone."

"If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine."

If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he's dragging the rattrap because it didn't quite kill him, just tell the people he's your pet and that's a trick you taught him."

"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them."

"If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."

"It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire."

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late."

"Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared."

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you."

"Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face."

"The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me."

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other."

"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?", you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

"Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books."
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges."

"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea."

"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?"

**Now, if you didn't enjoy atleast one of those... you're on the wrong blog! I just had to share some good ol' SNL thoughts. Jack makes some pretty sweet thoughts, all of which I couldn't share.
These remind me of my friend Jessica, we had some good late "Saturday Night Live" days :) I miss you. (okay, that little section sounded a little Lesbianish!- my apologies!) This post was for you. Happy late B-Day. Jess & I have been friends since I moved to St. George. She was the nicest person & so non-judgemental of anyone. She always has been so carefree, witty, spunky & fun. I was just thinking of us trying out for cheer in high school. Jess gets out there in front of everyone, & seems to have forgotten her cheer. NO Big Woop-- She starts to do some moves & says out LOUD "oh, no that's not it", does another move, "no- oh wait, I think this is it" makes somethin' up, including the words- & decides to do a cartwheel to make it all better as she runs off! I look up to her in so many ways :) She never stressed life. She graduated from Dixie College early, went on to get her Bachelor's, Master's & even PHD!! She is unstoppable! This girl does not mess around- well, maybe a little in high school JUST KIDDING. She sets her mind on something.... & it's going to happen. She is an amazing friend, has a great hubby & darling little boy John. We were pregnant together & she had him 2 days before I had Tekai. We have been through a lot of LiFe together :) Jess you are the GreaTesT!I gotta get out to Chicago & come play SOON!



Jess came out & played with me in San Francisco Baby!! Gotta love our "high waisted" jeans & tucked in shirts. We know fashion my friends :) Yes, I think I have atleast a 1/4 chinese in me... I can barely open my eyes. It was a windy day :)
*Jess I still have a blackmail photo of you- better watch your back!*